Glass, and dishes, and fingernails. Cars and contracts and bones and potato chips. And while a lot of these things are unfixable - they can be replaced. We can mourn the loss of the clasp of our favorite necklace falling apart. We can go to car dealerships and supermarkets and while it may cause a slight inconvience in our day, we get along. Buy a new, fix the old, replace, renew, adjust without.
And then there’s the ever-so-cliche case of a broken heart. You hear songs and read quotes and watch movies about it all the time. Everyday. Now I don’t know if a heart can really, honestly, truly break but I do believe that when people who used to live there are gone, they can take pieces, chunks even. I think those pieces are theirs to keep.
I guess what i’m trying to say is every widow wakes up one morning, maybe after decades of non-stop grief, only to realize she’s slept a goodnight sleep. And she appreciates the smell of the morning dew. And she makes herself strawberry pancakes. And enjoys them in their entirety. Every parent who loses a child finds a way to laugh again. Every little girl who loses a mother learns to break the rules she set for herself.
Where i’m getting at I guess is that time doesn’t heal. What time does is replace grief with almost a useful kind of sadness. Kinda like when you break an arm and have to learn how to do everything with the other. You just kind-of have to. Because you couldn’t possibley get through a single day if you didn’t. Hearts break all of the time. Mine breaks every day. And ofcourse the big days are hard. Time passes and with it go the birthdays, holidays, new cars, and baby cousins. New jobs, changed majors, pre-school orientations. And of-course those days our hearts crack with every picture taken or smile lifted and every milestone that can’t be shared. Those days suck.
And then there’s the small days. The days that are sad for no reason at all. The days you cry at the sight of a beautiful sky you can’t share with them. The Tuesday afternoons you hear a song she liked or see a woman with the same haircut or eat at a place you know they loved. Those days are the hardest yano? When the flowers die and the cards stop and everyone goes back to their worlds when you can’t because your’s has a chunk of it missing. Whether it be a lover or a mother or a father or a friend. I think that’s what heart break is… The irreplacables and the non-renewables. The one’s that no matter how much time passes - We can’t adjust without.